Disco Disaster & Range Rover Inferno
Posted on Thursday, May 12 @ 22:54:45 BST
Topic: Vehicles
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 Dear All,
I'm sure you will be pleased to hear that following an adventurous
weekend relaxing with four wheel drive vehicles and yachts, everyone who
went out to play has returned home. For anyone wishing to partake in such a
weekend of frivolous excitement please consider the following time table for
planning purposes.
Friday 06/05/05 (note all times as per 24 hr clock)
04:00 depart house in Ireland for ferry (a little late just to keep it
interesting)
04:20 return to house for passengers forgotten glasses (will be needed for
driving later, well potentially!!)
04:30 Miss 90 deg right hand bend onto bridge while washing windscreen, roll
car over 5 foot wall and into field. (Precision required as vehicle must
return to right way up)
04:31 Hitch lift with passing motorist (out for a test drive? Yes really
this is as reported) return to house and frighten living daylights out of
wives with rocky horror impressions brought about by flying glass.
04:50 Wake neighbours for transport, go back to crash site to collect
passports, credit cards, luggage and other sundries.
08:00 Call UK explain that it's not been one of your "best days" and request
loan of a Range Rover to complete task. (Hopefully you will know someone
daft enough to agree)
Book flights to UK and generally mooch about as the rest of the day is
buggered.
20:00 Depart Shannon for Stanstead
21:20 Wait for pick up from Stanstead
23:00 Arrive Didcot, take small (Oh really) Port & Brandy to ease aches. (
Required to swallow 5 painkillers)
Saturday
06:00 Rise to find the body is rejecting commands to move certain limbs
which have turned a strange black and blue colour. Any movement is not
without minor irritation, something akin to a bee sting perhaps, assuming
the bee is 6 foot tall with a 2 gallon venom sack.
07:00 Depart Didcot thanking that daft bugger aforementioned, who is lending
R.R. is also driving it.
12:00 Arrive Taunton collect bankers draft & 1 Gallon Cider (Dry Scrumpy)
14:00 Bugger, GPS had directed you to the wrong place, it is insisting you
are in Falmouth, while you still have another 20 miles to go. Technology!
15:00 Arrive Falmouth, have silent smile when you see the look on the
drivers face when he sees just how big this "boat" is. (30ft tow hitch to
rudders!)
17:20 Say farewell to nice man at boat yard, he has talked you through every
cleat, lanyard, rope and piece of string on the vessel.
17:21 Bugger going the wrong way already.
18:50 Things are going well, on the correct road A30 and driver appears to
be relaxing. (the sides of his seat are no longer under the grip of his
buttocks)
18:51 Bugger, A30 road closed - accident. No problem take detour with GPS to
guide.
19:00 Have moved up to next junction on A30 via back roads, feeling chuffed
- that was easy.
19:00 Police at junction "Sorry the road is closed, that's a nice boat, I
bet you don't really want to try turning around here" (said with sight
smirk)
19:00 execute 3 point turn narrowly missing police car when reversing into
the junction.
19:30 back on to A30 & M5 all going well, decide to take services after next
for fuel & food. (21 miles to go)
19:55 Start to loose power while starting to climb slight incline. (Incline
appears to continue to Carlisle)
19:56 Getting slower & slower & slower
20:00 now in hard shoulder crawling along, 1 mile to services.
20:01 Popping sound is heard and rev counter stops working, smoke begins to
come from the dashboard. ( It doesn't look very nice) Think of boat, pain
from injuries is a distant memory, think of the boat!
20:01:10 Empty car, unhitch boat, tackle fire, move to safety
20:01:12 Stand back and watch show!
22:00 At last RAC recovery turn up. Oh bugger auto box is in park & wont
shift. Snatch block and double winch. (Martin would have been proud, the
stubborn bugger did not want to move but it was dragged on to the back of
the recovery wagon.) Hitch up boat to back and set off for sunny Didcot.
22:15 Stop at services to wash up. Services shut! new opening times, now
close at 22:00...... Wash in fuel area.
Sunday.
00:30 Arrive not so sunny Didcot, frighten women. Oh yes it helps if you
don't let them know your coming, it adds enormously to the surprise.
01:00 Remove boat from recovery wagon and organise another Range Rover to
snatch recover the stricken R.R. from the back of the recovery vehicle.
Having been unable to disengage park, even having tried with a 25lb sledge
hammer. Drag to interim resting place, most of auto box parking splines have
now been removed.
01:40 Shake hands on purchase of replacement Range Rover. (Thank you Mr
Iles, perhaps one of the most expeditious purchases / sale of a vehicle
ever)
02:08 Insurance certificate printed from the internet for new vehicle.
02:30 go to bed
06:10 get up, get distance on AutoRoute for Didcot - Pembroke Dock. Find it
much less than anticipated, only 200 miles. Have leisurely brew, check out
new truck etc.
08:30 Depart Didcot go to ferry, sail over Irish sea, Drive with 30ft
trailered boat through 150miles (it felt like a 1000) Southern Ireland RUPs
23:00 arrive destination, drink beer. Go to bed.
Monday
12:00 wait in A&E to be seen, triage nurse having determined that regardless
of injuries you are English and shall remain at the back of the queue.
17:00 loose will to live, so no need to remain at hospital, anyway feeling
much better after the rest! Go home for tea before setting off for airport.
21:30 Fly Shannon - Heathrow, Drive Heathrow - Deadcot - What's the problem!
Ps will post some interesting video (for the budding pyromaniac) on the web
site in due course.
Cheers Paul
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